3 posts tagged “soap”

I'm all about the smelly stuff. I use nice fruity glycerine soaps in the shower, have sumptuous body lotions that smell of strawberries, vanilla, lavender, etc (the true scents, not those cheapo vanilla-does-too-smell-like-the-inside-of-a-garbage-can craptrosities - and as a former florist, I know that freesia does NOT smell like that). This morning I needed a new soap for my shower. I reached into the closet and grabbed the closest one, which happened to be from a set of bath goodies from Cape Breton (waves hi to my beloved Maritimes) given to me a while back by a friend of mine. The set was great - it included bath salts that smelled of buttercream - I kid you not. This particular soap was in the shape of a sun, which was also nice because I like sun/moon stuff. Anyway, I was surprised to not care for the scent all that much, but I didn't have anything else near me so I used it. Turns out the soap has freaking glitter in it. Glitter does not belong in soap, people. The only time I can forgive it is if it is the Christmas-time cranberry that the Body Shop had out a few years ago, because the shiny bits were miniscule and not unlike wearing a shimmery lotion or powder. As I got out of the shower, I was thankful to note that the glittery bits were either deeper in the soap, and therefore a surprise yet to come, or they had washed off in the shower. While I was still washing, I had fears of becoming that woman in the joke about the visit to the gynecologist. She had "spruced herself up" prior to the visit, but instead of just cleaning herself, she had used her kid's glitter soap and ended up a litter more spruced than she had intended.

Hmmm, on second thought, maybe I should take my compact to the bathroom with me the next time I go, just to be sure...

Okay, so I'm sitting here minding my own business, with the television on in the background (bad habit, I know), and suddenly I hear a woman's voice extoling the virtues of Super Colon Cleanse. Well, that sure caught my attention. I always thought that was the kind of commercial that aired l ate at night or on local cable channels on Sundays.

Anyway, hearing this commercial got me to thinking about a few other fine products whose names have stuck with me over the years.

The drug store in the building where I used to work was a good source of odd products. At one point, I remember them doing a bit of renovating in the store and it seemed that they were using the opportunity to clear out their storage room and put a bunch of items on sale. On one visit, I almost had a fit when, within about thirty seconds, I saw not only a bag of Bowel Buddy bran wafers, but a tube of something that goes by the attention-grabbing name of Crack Creme. I was too scared to even check out what exactly it was supposed to cure. I was tempted to go on some kind of April Fool's Day shopping spree.

Aside from these, one of my favourite product mentions is for the Baby Jesus Butt Plug. This site is so utterly fantastic, I can't even put it into words - all I know is that if you believe in Hell, you're already sending me there in your mind..

Something new I just discovered as I was putting this post together absolutely cannot go without mention. In the spirit of the Baby Jesus Butt Plug, I now present to you George W. Tush, available in regular or Assquake versions. And oh baby, for the hard-to-buy-for person on your shopping list (bookmark this for Christmas!), you can - get this! - have a custom butt plug made in the image of your boss, best friend, or worst enemy. This fucking ROCKS! Can you imagine the looks on people's faces as they open their presents? Wow!

IndyBunny posted a link to poop soap in the comments debating the nature of Crankypants's bathroom guest soaps. They're individually made by hand, Voxies! But don't worry, they smell like coffee - uh huh. And you'd better hurry - if you order by January 21st, you can get some hot, steaming free piles o' poop with your order. If you've ever wondered why you could never get your hands on some free shit in this world, well wonder no more - you have found free shit heaven!

Hmmm, this was rather fun - I think I'll do another odd products post again some time - I'm rather an odd product myself, so it's only fitting!

edit: corrected the poop soap credit so it shows Indy now - apologies to Little Miao for associating her with poo...  ;-)