26 posts tagged “generator”
Well, you can call me Cybona, Goddess of Hiccups and Adult Acne, or Sethlato, Goddess of Light Snacks and Underarm Wetness, but my friends call me Aioleithyia, Goddess of Telemarketing and Applause. And what should I call you?
Well, my boy squishy is now two days old and weighs in at a whopping one kilogram! He's been amusing himself by searching for suckers and has traveled 18 kilometres.. But oh no, what's this? Wow, that was close! He just escaped a killer whale!
Hmmm, squishy hasn't aged, grown, or traveled since last night, but he did just escape a teuthologist (squid expert).
The Colossal Squid Expedition is happening in New Zealand at the Te Papa museum. The museum's site lets you build your own squid! You can build a squid of different sizes and colours. Then you set them free, but you can go back and check on them any time. I can't wait to find out what squishy's been up to (yeah, did I mention you get to name your squid?). Right now he's zero days old and weighs one kilogram. He hasn't done any traveling yet, but at the moment, he's hunting for ice cod.
Dear Satan Claus – Devourer of Children’s Souls,
This year, I have been a very passive aggressive little girl. I have compulsively murdered, and I have rarely helped my sister with their pyramid schemes. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring daddy’s testicles in a vise. For my daddy, please bring a new topaz-studded ass plug. For my big sister, please bring Barbie. For my ferret, please bring a cableknit sweater. Oh – and for my mail man, please bring some worthless tchotchkes.
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Spongebob Squarepants toilet paper, and front row tickets to Mary-Kate and Ashley – plus backstage passes so I can get airborne Chlamydia! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my amputee Afghan orphan. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!
Anyway, I hope you like the meatloaf I left out for you.
Breathlessly,
arbed
PS: Please say hello to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember the bus driver union guy? He has been a really selfish weener all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put ebola in their stocking. Thanks!
You can write yer own here - you know you wanna!
Courtesy of the Mezzacotta Café, here is today's menu:
Today's Menu
~Inside-out bran du jour~Tropical sandwiches 'n' escargots and instant coffee topped with Chicago deep-dish bratwurst on a half shell with no added lentils and blackened rice crackers accompanied by gingerbread, polenta and flourless swordfish onions complemented by crème caramel placed artistically next to ostrich melange~Bonus steaks~Mongolian tahini sauce Happy Meal stuffed with more-ish jalapeño puttanesca~Traditional style pecans
And one of the weirdest generators I've come across:
Create yourself as a lego person (there is a newer version, but you have to click through each choice instead of seeing them all at once like this version). There is mention of hidden adult stuff and eggs, but I didn't find anything. Let me know if you do.
get your own twitter and facebook generator here (much more fun than actually having twitter or facebook pages)
I had a fridge magnet doohickey on here a while back but rather than waste hours going through my past posts, and since vox tags suck monkey balls, I just went and grabbed a new one. Leave me with a comment with what you said, just in case I miss it.
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