13 posts tagged “advertising”
So I'm looking at cpap supplies online to see if I can get a better deal than buying here in town. I've discovered accessories that my guy doesn't sell, or at least never told me existed. One of them is a cleaner specific for cpap parts. Here's a snippet of the description:
Citrus II CPAP Mask Cleaner is a unique formula of gentile ingredients, derived from corn, coconut and citrus.
We all love to peruse Craigslist. Well, some of us do. And now we post about it because we're (okay I'm) bored. Here are a few from Best of Craigslist:
Dear Cat,
Date: 2008-03-24, 12:02PM CDT
Dear Cat,
I have some issues with you right now that I would like to hash out. And now is as good a time as any with you laying over my arms while I am trying to type on the computer. You don't even look comfortable and you can't breathe lying like that with your butt higher up than your head but your brain is the size of a walnut so I will forgive you.
First of all, the litterbox. Is it your goal to poop on the rim of the box? Because if it is, bravo! Mission accomplished, you can stop now. You have proved your point. It is not funny anymore, and I have run out of sticks in the yard to clean it off with. The box is big enough, and you are still small, so don't even go there.
Now... making pointless, incessant noises. If I take something away from you because I am tired of hearing it scoot across the floor for the last 2 hours, it does not mean to go find something else to mess with. I mean really where do you find this stuff? A wad of paper? A bottle cap? Is that really that fun to play with?
I put things on the coffee table because I want them there. I do not want you to knock EVERYTHING off of the coffee table in one of your mindless "tearing ass through the house for no reason" adventures every single day. Once in a while, it is amusing. Every day, it's not that funny.
Your ass stinks. I mean REALLY stinks. Like the worst poop you've ever smelled. Why do you smell soooo horrible? I thought cats were clean! I have never experienced this smelly, stinky cat phenomena with any other cat on this Earth. Why, God, did you give me the most stinky cat in this solar system? And Cat, why do you insist on showing me your ass? I know it stinks, but what am I supposed to do about it? Bathe you??? LOL! Remember the last time that happened? I still have the scars... Also, when you sit on my arm, please have the kindness to put your tail over your butthole so it doesn't come into contact with my skin. I might catch something.
Lastly, I am allergic to you. I know this isn't your fault, but knowing this, why do you insist on rubbing the whole length of your body on my face? Okay... I just pulled a CATHAIR out of my eye. No wonder my eyes are itchy if you are purposefully depositing your dander into my eyes! What are you trying to prove here? That you know I'm stuck with you? While you're busy carrying things about the house in your mouth to deposit them into some area that I haven't discovered yet- would you mind bringing me a peice of sandpaper to me so that I can alleviate the itching you've caused me? Oh- while we're on this subject, I need my hair ties back- I know you have them. Thanks.
Free Man's Toupee
Date: 2008-02-13, 4:54PM EST
Only worn twice. From The House of Frank. Real human hair. Brownish blonde with a sprinkling of gray highlights. One size fits all. Can be trimmed to suit taste. Wash in washing machine, gentle cycle. No bleach. Looking for new owner because neighborhood dogs growl at me when I wear toupee. Also squirrels chase me down the street. Maybe you will have better luck. email for p/u.
And finally, a few excerpts (the whole ad is looooooooong) from "just fucking fuck me, already", where a woman gives some hints to the men of Craigslist:
2. Ohmyfuckinggod, please learn to respect the clit. It's different for every woman, so ask what she likes. Do not, I repeat, do not just wiggle your fingers around her pussy like you're trying to tickle her. Do not drum your fingertips against her vulva like you are impatiently waiting at the Sears Tire Center for your receipt. Do not push the clit like it is a doorbell at some house that you need to get inside of. Start by using all four fingers with firm yet gentle pressure against the outside of her pussy. Do not charge in with a single finger and start jabbing at things. And if you really don't know what to do, ask her. Just ask. "How do you like it?". It's a simple question, and most women will answer straight out. If she's being all coy, ask "Do you like pressure? Is it sensitive?" The clitoris is a varied item, indeed. Treat each one as though you have never encountered one before. Forget everything that your last partner liked.
3. Most women like to be fucked, and fucked well. Yes, there are women out there who want to "make love" every time - sweet, gentle, rocking love with lots of eye contact and loving kisses. Those women are not the majority. The majority like to be pounded. The majority like to have their hair pulled. The majority like a good, solid jackhammering. When a woman is bucking wildly against you, it's not because she wants you to pull back and slowly swirl your cock around her vagina like you're mixing a cake batter up there. It's because she wants you to hold down her arms, or grab her hips, or push her legs above her head, and fuck her harder. Don't be too afraid of what this means as far as gender equality goes - I am a raging feminist bitch, but I still want to be penetrated like you are planning on fucking my throat from the inside out.
5. It's OK for you to make noise. Otherwise, we feel like we are fucking a ninja. Unless you actually are a ninja, and have sneaked into our rooms with vibrating nanuchaku and zippered black pajamas, please, please make some noise. If you're banging a woman, and she's crying out and saying your name and moaning, and you can't even manage a grunt, she's going to feel like an idiot. You don't have to make the sounds she is making, but do SOMETHING. You know how when you are watching porn, and the girl does something great to the guy and the guy kind of goes "Ah!", half grunt, half yell? That's HOT. Do that. Whisper our name (assuming you know it) gruffly. Groan against her neck when you're in missionary position. You don't have to grunt like a mountain gorilla, but if you are totally mute, she's going to get worried.
6. You're not obligated to eat a woman out. In return, she's not obligated to choke on your dick. Don't skip one and expect the other. If you do eat a woman out, the only comment you should make about her pussy is how nice it is. The length of her labia minora, the color of her interior, her waxing job or full bush - you are not John Madden. No time for color commentary.
This may be somewhat of a repeat post, but I was reminded of it all by a little news blurb I just read. It would seem that a blooper moment from a past Canadian Idol audition is making its way to the Season Three premiere of TV's Most Outrageous Moments (I have never heard of this show before, but then again, I only get one channel). In case you have never seen the clip before, here it is:
And shortly after, the wireless carrier, Telus Mobility, who is (or was at the time) a sponsor of Canadian Idol, produced this commercial:
And while you're YouTubing, check out some other Telus commercials - they are fantastic and always (I think) feature animals of one kind or another!
I first noticed the advertisement a few months ago on the inside back cover of Time magazine (Canadian edition). At first glance, I thought it was a spoof ad. Then, I looked more closely and realized that it was legit (and, of course, since when does Time run spoof ads?). The product, unique to Canada (so far) is Mirage, a new kind of cigarette with LSS technology (Less Smoke Smell). See? Sounds fishy, doesn't it? Anyway, here's the ad and some links to articles about this outrageous new product. If you can't make out the smaller print even after embiggening, it says "Your children are twice as likely to smoke if you do. Half of all premature deaths among life-long smokers result from tobacco use." That's a standard Health Canada warning. There are various ones and each package of cigarettes in Canada must contain one of the ads. I'm not sure if this is the only ad Mirage uses, but it's the only one I've seen when I checked out the product.
Physician's for a Smoke-Free Canada
please tell me I did not just see a commercial for cottonelle bathroom tissue, with a little puppy going around watching people's butts, with the tag line "be kind to your behind"
- if you're going to use an online classified service, include pictures ("one bedroom with a bathroom and kitchen" doesn't quite make me want to run over to see your place)
- if you're going to post online, expect emails, especially when you don't even include a phone number
- if I send you an email, you can at least respond to it, even if it's to say the place is rented - and judging by the same ads I see over and over again, I doubt very much that it is rented anyway - you're just rude
- if I bother to show enough interest to email you with
questions, don't just refer me back to your online posting or to a
second page you're posting on that has the exact same info as the other
one (oh, and especially don't refer me to a service where I have to pay $39.95 for one month of exclusive access to info on some rental network you belong to - you're the one trying to rent, I'm paying you sweet fuck all to get basic goddamned info about your apartment)
- if I go out of my way to show interest and choose your building for my questions, at least answer the questions - replying to my 3-question email with I have a small one bedroom for Feb for $750 all incl. parking is $50. that is all I have at the moment when that barely answers even one of my questions isn't going to win you any tenants any time soon
- if you do include pictures in your online ad, try to make them of the actual apartment, not the lobby and elevator doors
- include actual useful information like room sizes, availability date, location (better yet, the actual address), utilities and appliances included, etc (don't post something asinine like "two-bedroom apartment for rent" and wonder why it sits empty for eight months with no viewings scheduled)
- you may be a guy, but please try to go out of your way to learn actual measurements - girls know what an inch is, trust me
- stop!!!! using!!! exclamation marks!!!! in place!!!! of actual information!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- stop calling your mouldy smelly hole in the wall basement apartment Funky! and Cool! and Unique!
In short, make the renters' lives easier and in turn, we'll make your lives easier.
Fuckers
this showed up at the top of my gmail this morning
the dessert stomach - make sure you click on the detailed view for a better picture
must take time later to check out the rest of the site
WSIB (Workplace Safety Insurance Board of Ontario) does safety ads for TV. Their latest one is below. Warning: ***rather graphic, but also very well done, like all of their ads***. This ad blows me away.
to advertising on my vox
I'm looking at you alexandrian (not linking to you on purpose, and your comment is being deleted later today)
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