whip me, beat me, show me you care
There are those people who are dead set against it (although a portion of them suddenly reconsider once they actually have children). There are those who say there's nothing wrong with it, in moderation. I belong to the latter group. I'm talking about spanking. A disclaimer: I do not have, nor will be having, children, however I have been exposed to enough of them in my life that I feel I have a right to speak somewhat knowledgeably about the subject.
Last night, an anti-spanking bill was passed through the Canadian Senate. While you can read the whole story here, what the bill propses is this:
The bill proposes to eliminate Section 43 of the Criminal Code, which says any parent, schoolteacher or a person standing in the place of a parent "is justified in using force by way of correction toward a pupil or child'' over age two and under age 13 "if the force does not exceed what is reasonable under the circumstances.''
The bill is by no means law yet, but this was a significant hurdle for it to pass. It's interesting that Anita and I had a conversation about spanking just the other day, when she was telling me stories about her sister and children, whom she is visiting.
I find it difficult when someone says they would never ever spank their children, but it all depends on delving further and finding out why the person feels that way. I personally don't equate spanking with beating the living daylights out of a kid. To me, spanking is a smack on the bottom or arm to get their attention when all else fails. Sometimes the shock value of a spanking is all that will work, most especially because it is a last resort. I don't feel that it's a way of showing power and strength over the child.
I don't have time to write a whole lot about this, but I'm sure some interesting comments will arise. Basically, I just feel that spanking has a time and a place, it should be used sparingly, and when done properly it can act as a significant deterrant for many children. It can't be your go-to punishment method, nor can it take the place of actual parenting. The one sticking point is about degrees of punishment and force, but I don't think that outright criminalizing any sort of force visited upon a child by a parent is the way to go.
I sincerely hope the bill doesn't become law. Actually, I'd simply like the existing law to be modified to reflect that only parents should have this right because I do disapprove of giving anyone other than a child's parent the right to even simple force, unless it's as a restraining measure to protect the child or those around the child.. We're already awash in impolite, disrespectful children (no, not yours - of course not yours) who are taught by the world that they should be calling Children's Services as soon as someone so much as threatens to lay a finger on them. It really is time to bring children back in control.
Comments
I think you are right when you say this will generate a lot of interesting comments. I also think you are right when you say that delving further into a persons reasons for why they believe in or against spanking, makes their choices more understandable.
I think, for the most part, I agree with you and hope such a bill does not come to pass. That doesn't mean I advocate people using physical force on their children as a parenting method, but I'd rather the government not set up a whole lot of laws on what is/is not acceptable on how to raise children. Yes, by all means, have laws in place that prevent abuse of children. Hell, add verbal abuse in there too, since I suspect that's a lot more prevalent than physical abuse. But the occasional swat on the bottom for a child that deserves it doesn't belong in the same category as these other abuses.
When we were young, my brothers and I got a swat on the behind rarely, but when we truly deserved it. This stopped pretty much as soon as we were old enough to understand what was going on and other approaches (punishments) were able to dissuade us from acting out, etc. Our parents didn't use it as a means to demonstrate their power over us - they used it as a last resort wake-up-call when we were misbehaving and too young to be brought into line any other way.
Even with the occasional spanking, my brothers and I did NOT grow up thinking that physical violence was a good way to solve problems, or that bullying was a good way to keep people in line. I sincerely doubt I will spank my kids, but it's not a decision I'm making because of my own experiences with spanking.
However, I don't think allowing people to spank their children is going to keep a crop of disrespectful children from popping up around us - this lack of manners doesn't stem from being coddled - it comes from the influences and role models in a child's life - if they grow up believing they can act that way or see others acting that way, they will. I think the government would be making a better use of its resources if they created classes to help teach parents good parenting skills (mediation, alternate punishments that work better than spanking, etc), rather than try to brute-force parenting techniques on families through a law like this.
When I was Old Enough To Know Better, it was reserved for repeated willful disobedience, after a warning. "Don't do X." (X) "If you do X again, I'm going to spank you." (X) Open handed pop on clothed butt. No more X.