blast from the past

Here's a throwback for you - my old "make fun of news headlines" bit.

msnbc.com:
Who's Getting Abortions? Not Who You'd Think (okay, my guess is gonna beeeee......nuns impregnated by their half-brothers' best friends who they thought were dead but really had just gone into witness protection and had their faces reconstructed)

A Ton of Rat Snakes Found on Vietnam Air Flight (so many politicians on the same plane?)

cnn.com:
Know When, How, to Take Dad's Keys (my advice is wait until after eight when he's passed out from an afternoon of hard drinking, using a fish hook attached to a really long line)

New Palm Species Discovered (these ones won't get hairy)

ctv.ca:
Slain Bystander Was Well-Liked, Hard-Working (c'mon, how many people who die are spoken of in a negative way? They're all always the best-liked, hardest-working, most honest person in the whole wide world. I mean, even Saddam had nice things said about him when his lights went out)

abcnews.com:
Scientists Reject Bush Moon Plan (I'm just gonna leave this one wiiiiiiiiiide open for you guys - there are just so many possibilities)